Thoughtful Thursday

My natural hair care journey started like many hair journeys’ start off, a self-epiphany. I woke up one morning and I wondered: “If I died today, would the mortician have to put a relaxer in my hair before they could prep my body for my funeral?” Then I busted into uncontrollable laugher at the very idea. Sounds morbid, but it is true. I actually had this very thought, and really had to think about my relationship with my hair. Relaxer had become my version of Heroin or Crack Cocaine, “Creamy Crack” to be exact! Like both of these drugs, relaxers were introduced to me by those that I loved and who claimed to love me the most. Would love ones do something to you that they knew would affect your very being and health? My answer was, of course not – but, they had.

The process of relaxing my hair changed my whole life from the day I received my very first treatment. The first relaxer I received was referred to as the “kiddy perm” but there was nothing “kiddy” about it. I was never properly informed of the dangers of the relaxer chemical nor was I told the physical damage it could do to my body. Just like drugs, I was hooked on relaxer like a crack head on his/her main drug of choice. Relaxer claimed to straighten and strengthen my hair, when in fact it did just the opposite. Relaxer did not only weaken and damaged my hair; but it started the process of balding by causing my hair to franticly breaking off. This gave the illusion of a stunt in growth, which allowed me to think that my hair was not growing at all. It seemed when I managed to gain any kind of length to my hair, it was breaking faster than it could grow. When I was relaxed I can’t count know how many times I was told that “ethnic women don’t grow hair as fast as other races” which is a completely false statement. The truth is, all hair grows at the same pace, normally two inches a month.  The relaxer started balding the edges of my hairline. At the age of 31 years old, I decided to do something about my “Creamy Crack” addiction. Determined to kick the habit for good, and for the good of becoming healthier I decided to “Go Natural.”

On March 13, 2010 I decided to “Go Natural” and do whatever I needed to do to keep and grow my own healthy hair. I set aside time to research and collect lecture about natural hair, I joined hair blog forums and little by little I completed the “Long Transition” toward becoming all natural. I never really thought to much about hair until I realized I was destroying it. I received a third degree chemical burn in the middle of my head and on the side of my face while finishing up a relaxer, that was my last relater I put in my hair. I go into more detail about the whole story throughout the book.

I have been getting relaxers put in my hair since I was a young child. I have been doing them myself since I was 18 years old and not once had I ever read the box to see the warnings for chemical burns, nor did I research what the relaxer chemical actually was. The truth of the manner is I never really thought about the dangers of relaxers and what the chemical was doing to my skin, body and mind. It was just a part of my normal life to go to the beauty shop or beauty supply store, get a relaxer, put in my hair every two to four weeks – repeat every three to four weeks like clockwork.

Working out was difficult, swimming was impossible and I could forget about anyone “running” their hands through any part of my hair first few days after getting a relaxer or relaxer touch up. I had never added all the trips to the beauty stores up or all of the time I spent on doing, managing, or keeping my hair “bone straight,” and I certainly never thought about what the chemicals were doing to my body and my organs, until I started writing this book on my personal hair journey.

The life-changing event was when I decided to see the documentary “Good Hair” by Chris Rock. I expected to laugh, and be entertained. Instead of merely being entertained, I was educated on a subject that I never had a second thought about – my own hair and what I had been led to believe about it. I was told all of my life by my family, friends and the media that I was ugly unless I had straight hair. The worst thing anyone could ever have said to me in my relaxed days was “You look nice, but your new growth is showing.” This means that it was time for another relaxer because my “real hair texture” was exposed. This is where I started to panic, because I was more than what my hair looked like – or so I thought. I was beautiful and it was time to start being what God made me in God’s image – Beautifully natural.

Now that I was all motivated to “Go Natural” it was time to start getting an idea of what I was going to do. More panic came: “I don’t know what my hair is going to look like, I don’t want to look crazy, I don’t want people to think that I am all Afrocentric or hostile, I have no idea what to do with my hair once I do grow it out, I don’t even know what to put in it or how to style it.” I thought for days and days. I started to do some research on products, styles and what was considered bad and good for hair in general. I research what hair was and how often it grows. It turned out that all the rumors were false, ethnic hair grows just as much as any other hair type.

As a child I was constantly told that “Black peoples hair doesn’t grow as fast as other people’s hair does, so never cut your hair. If it breaks off then it will even its self out.” How ridiculous is that?! This was a repetitive hair statement in my young life. This is actually, what other black women would tell me, with the exception of a select few of black women in my life such as my Grand Mother Charlene, my Nana Perkins and others mentioned throughout the book.

My Grandmother Charlene was my grandmother on my father’s side. She had beautiful brownish red hair that flowed right down her back. Her hair was thick and lustrous. I always would play in her hair and hope and pray my hair would one day be like that. “You hair is beautiful child.” She would often say to me before I received my first relaxer. “You don’t need that junk in your hair, you will see” She said. Now, at age 31 years old I realized, she was right.

My Nana Perkins had a whole other thought about hair. “Any chemical you have to put in your hair to make it pretty has got to be bad for you.” Nana would say. Nana Perkins way of getting straight hair was the old fashion way, a good hot comb on a hot stove, along with a huge bucket of hair grease. This worked, until it rained and your beautiful straight hair transformed into a hot mess on your head.

Both of these fantastic women taught me that hair is just that, and to make it more than what it is to demine yourself. Being confident and beautiful are not mutually exclusive character traits, they are a part of each other, just as hair is a part of who you are. These are two of the most important lessons I have kept near to my heart. For that, these women have allowed for myself to grow into the woman I am today.

Excerpt from: A Natural Hair Journey, Stories and Memories of a Curly Girl

By: Jenice Armstead

A Natural Hair Journey, Stories and Memories of a Curly Girl by: Jenice Armstead

A Natural Hair Journey, Stories and Memories of a Curly Girl by: Jenice Armstead

Monday Morning Mindset

In a world full of upset and disappointment, it is encouraging to see positive views of your perception of what the world could be. Having worked for several large corporations and small businesses, the realization has come to me that it isn’t what you do – but how you do it. When you realize how invaluable you are, you begin to see the most positive sides of everything.

The other week I had the honor of meeting a complete stranger during an interview for a business contract. In perfect hindsight it seemed that we had no common denominator with one another. But, it is always important to look past what you see. This young woman shared her hardships with me about her starting to “go natural” with her hair. She asked about my natural hair journey and advice on what she could do. I answered her questions, but it was also put on my heart to tell her about my personal and emotional depletion with my natural hair journey. I told her how I have received many adverse comments and snide remarks about my hair and how the comments often made me feel. I shared how it was one of the hardest things I had ever done, yet one of the most freeing things I had done for my Spirit. She started crying uncontrollably and I asked her if I could give her a hug. She agreed, and then we both sobbed together for a few minutes.

For a moment we shared the same pain, discord and upset about “going natural.” But, it was much more than that, we sobbed about not being accepted by society, low self-esteem and our overall feeling about how our “nappy” hair made us feel. She apologized, for being “silly” and crying. I told her that it wasn’t silly, and that sometimes you just need for someone else to simply understand your pain. She thanked me and I was honored to have shared that moment of human empathy with her.

There is freedom in sharing the truth, no matter how painful it may seem. If we took a little more time to share in each others pain, the healing for each one of us could infect the world with more love.